JULIJA RUART

This constant haste and chase of something, what is it? What is it that I’m so desperately looking for? No matter how many goals I achieve, no matter how many next levels I unlock, the underlying feeling of never having enough persists.

The feeling of never being enough.

As much as I might understand intellectually how true worth doesn’t lie within the lines of our society’s norm of success, I can’t seem to put it into practice. My beliefs are still deeply rooted in needing to be recognized by our culture. It takes tremendous strength to pull those roots out and truly live by your chosen, and not imposed, values.

The more I dissect, the more layers I uncover, the more foreign pieces I discover. It seems to me at this point that this is a lifelong process – letting go of all learned and embracing something new. This idea both comforts and overflows me with anger.

It is so unattractive, sometimes even ugly, when looked at from a close distance, and so beautiful from far away – this bumpy road of trying to be more of who you are and less of what you’ve been told.

The ultimate destination

Am I waiting for the moment when all effort will be paid off, when it will feel like it was all worth it?

What if the process of giving effort into something is the goal itself? What if there’s nothing above that?

Having something to work for, or someone to fight for, isn’t that the true wealth?



It seems to me that we can’t be stuck in one place for too long. Even when the most magical thing happens, the perception of it being such an incredible thing can only last so long. We spend most of our life in the process of getting somewhere, and not the end destination itself. Once we reach the goal, we soon make a new one. Even with all the gratitude and awareness of being in the present moment, we will inevitably start looking at the horizon, in search of a new something.

So it seems that focusing on the process is the key to peace, wealth, and health. The journey towards someplace is the ultimate destination.

An open mind as a door to greater possibilities


Underneath all this haste and chase, and the search for someplace better, lies fear. Fear of not being worthy enough and therefore, constantly trying to prove your worth. In those rare moments when I get to zoom out and see things from a different, more objective perspective, I get one feeling that fills every corner of my body – I am safe.

I suddenly know so deeply that I am safe. Here, in this body, and all that has been given to me. I get a rush of unshakable confidence that no matter what happens, there is a way through. To every problem, there is a solution. And I am well able to search for it.

Where things get a little bit comical is when we realize that so many of these things that we perceive as struggles are in reality a door into something greater. A new opportunity to gain strength, to build character, to discover something new that will unleash more of your hidden potential.

A narrow definition of success leads to extremely heavy expectations. Some of the greatest opportunities first appear as a failure or completely unexpected turn of events.

You’ll probably be able to tell that some of the best things that happened in your life, the best days, experiences, moments, and connections you created, came from situations that you approached with little to no expectations at all. You entered the space with no resistance to what has to happen and that is probably why you got so much out of it.

Allowing, instead of resisting

Maybe unleashing our potential should be much less of an effort, and more of creating an unobstructed path for whatever has to unfold. Maybe thriving in all aspects of our lives should be less of a series of well-defined and strategic moves, and a little bit more of allowance for things to naturally unfold, and noticing and moving in the direction of people, places, and things that offer invitation into their world.

Maybe true success is nothing else but waking up every day and choosing to honour your own path, the road that calls you – despite all roadblocks, setbacks, or heavy load you carry.

So I hope we get to declutter our busy minds a little bit, and get some fresh air in there. I hope we get to involve our bodies a little bit more because, truly, that is where all wisdom and potential lie.

I hope we shift our focus more on what we can. I hope we become aware of our innate ability to deal with hardship. I hope we embrace the destiny that lies and waits ahead for us. Not after we’ve achieved it all, gained it all, learned it all, but our destiny to breathe in this moment and this day with all its pain and comfort, and create something out of it. A story of our own – maybe quite similar to many others, but undoubtedly unique, inspiring, and above everything else – worthy of highest value.