‘You are too sensitive’ – the words I heard countless times.
The same words that made me feel, day in and day out, like there was something wrong with me.
I wonder, to what extent have we gone trying to numb our sensitivity, guided by the belief that the root of the problem lies right there?
Out of all the things we could get rid of in order to improve our lives, how did we prioritize that to be our emotions?
Could it be because we sense that they lead us into the territory we’re afraid to explore? The things we don’t want to look at, the muddy water beneath our feet we don’t want to stir?
Feelings as pointers
We point fingers at negative emotions, not realizing that those feelings are pointers to something else, something much bigger. They are our guides towards crucial factors that can either disturb or re-create our well-being.
Sensitivity or the ability to feel. When we paraphrase it as ‘trying to minimize our ability to feel’, doesn’t it sound fundamentally wrong?
Intolerance of truth will make people do all sorts of things and create all sorts of reasoning as to why being able to feel is somehow wrong.
When you find yourself in a situation where you express your emotions and are faced with resistance, or even attacks, from people around you, remember that it’s not your fault.
The reason people love to throw those words at you is because you have pointed out something they aren’t ready to face yet. Some truth about ways their behaviour or beliefs might be outdated and not very beneficial, or it might simply be hard to accept that their behaviour hurt somebody in some way.
You are shattering their deeply rooted beliefs, to which they most likely tied the identity of who they are. In essence, you are bringing into question their whole reality and image of the self.
Which is why it’s important to be gentle, both with them and yourself.
Feelings that bring discomfort point to things that need to be changed, or at least revised. All of those are terribly uncomfortable. All of those require a lot of humility and forgiveness.
For most of us, those things have been foreign concepts rarely or never discussed in our families and communities. The majority of us grew up in a culture where not showing our feelings and being able to endure a lot are signs of strength. So to choose to stand with your feelings requires tremendous courage and strength.
And you most likely won’t be rewarded by your environment. Because by standing in your feelings, you invite others to do the same. You shine a light on their shadow, by exposing yours.
Pain is the opportunity to become more of who we truly are
What we are doing when depriving our sensitivity is trying to kill the best part about us. We are trying to get rid of the same thing that makes us who we are, that makes us so unique. The thing that enables us to be such a great friend, partner, colleague, artist, and human.
We are trying to destroy the bridge that offers not only a connection with each other, but a true connection that the individual can have with itself.
If instead of running away from our pain we’d look into what it’s trying to tell us, we’d much sooner get to the things and places we truly need. The tendency to numb ourselves would be non-existent because of understanding how being in pain isn’t us losing something – it’s our opportunity to gain back what we need the most.
Pain is our compass for staying true to who we are.
Feeling so much isn’t a sign of you being less in any way – it’s a chance to establish an even firmer sense of who you are. It’s an open invitation to set your boundaries, toss that which weighs you down, and establish a connection with parts of you that will lift you, and bring you to places you were meant to reach.
Although it may often feel like that, sensitivity is not a curse. Quite the opposite – it’s a gift you can’t put a price on. It’s a thing that can save your life if you dare to hold it and give it the attention it deserves. It’s a gateway to a life filled with deep connections and meaningful actions. It’s a superpower that will help you run your life, by being so deeply rooted into who you are.
A gift that was meant to be used
Be gentle and treat with respect others, and yourself. But never question your feelings and intuition in such a way as to think you have to numb it and get rid of it, because those around you don’t recognise the power behind it. Never take someone’s emotional reaction as personal attack.
Listening and honouring your intuition may take you on a path different than where most of the people in your life are, which can easily make you feel quite lonely. But there isn’t a number of people large enough that could ever cover up for the lack of connection you feel with them.
So be brave, and use this gift of yours. When all others say it’s something you need to toss, choose to hold it more firmly. Root yourself in its power to guide you straight through all the noise and nonsense of this world. It’s not a curse – it’s your best chance for a life full of deep connections, meaning, and fulfilment.
I am nothing more or less
I’ve spent my whole life trying to change this vital aspect of who I am. I tried to rationalize and numb out my gift to feel, only to discover years later, that it is the best thing about me.
It is the core of my warmth and my ability to love and give.
It is the sole reason I get to be the artist that I am, and beyond that, it is the home of the love I get to birth and give to this world with each new day.
Not only will I stop trying to numb out my sensitivity – I will water it and nurture it.
I will watch it grow and allow its roots to deepen my depths, and let its branches expand and fill up the space of my consciousness.
I don’t want to be numb – I want to be alive.
I want the aliveness, with all the mess and beauty that comes with it.
Only through chaos do I get to appreciate silence.
Only through resistance do I get to recognise the invitation.
Only by being misunderstood do I get to find my sense of belonging.
So the next time they tell me I’m too sensitive, I will let them be, and smile inside of me, knowing well, that I am nothing more or less, then so simply and fully alive.
