If there is a state of being I know in and out, it’s the one defined by feelings of unworthiness. If there is one identity I know, then it’s that of someone who carries nothing of value, and whose voice doesn’t matter.
The story I took as my own
My journey of becoming creative was a long, slow, and uncomfortable one. For most of my life, I believed I had no predisposition for being creative. I believed there wasn’t any talent hidden within me.
It took many years of daily empowerment from various sources before I could see the possibility of offering something creative and valuable to the world.
Where Potential Goes to Die
The place I called home for the longest time was very dark, constricted, and heavy. It was a place where abundance is a concept reserved for delusional, and scarcity a worshiping ground for the sane ones. A place where all potential is entangled with weeds of doubts, insecurities, and powerlessness. It was so dense that despite daily empowerment, I battled to get up and break through the fog.
The Myth of the Finished Artist
We tend to see an artist who’s already ‘a finished piece’ with their mindset projected on the vastness of their talents, their confidence supporting their growing success, and a series of brilliant works behind them. It’s hard for many to visualize the amount of time, effort, and energy it took to get to that place, and how, once, they too might have been that same lost and confused people that forgot the power they have.
Often, we believe it was all served to them on a silver platter. And since our plate came only with confusion and insecurities, it must mean that that is all there is to us.
Luckily, you are not what anybody tells you.
You are what you decide to be.
And you can decide anything.
Uncovering, Not Inventing
Stepping out of this place is a slow and painful journey, but the most rewarding one you could ever take.
It’s not the journey of becoming an artist – it’s the journey of becoming yourself.
The Fear Beneath the Fear
It took me a year to gather the courage to start posting my photos on Instagram – an account with zero followers.
It took me more than a decade to allow myself to admit how I feel a strong inclination towards writing.
It took me three months to gather the courage to share my first blog post after writing it.
The fear I felt at the time wasn’t about who’s going to see my work and whether they’ll like it, even if it might have appeared like that.
Underneath the surface, what was really going on was that I couldn’t stand the notion of embodying the meaning that would follow by pressing that publish button.
The notion I was escaping was: ‘I got something of value to offer to the world.’
We Can’t Act Against Who We Believe We Are
Those core beliefs we have about our values, our place in this world, and what we can and can’t do, are the fundamentals behind everything we do. They define our identity, and our identity defines our behaviours. When we believe we don’t fit into the role of being an artist, creator, intellectual, successful individual, or anything else, we can’t show up in the world as one. If we don’t believe it, the story can’t move forward.
Changing an identity takes time, effort, and lots of patience.
Probably what is needed the most on this journey is faith.
Faith that if others can do it, so can you.
A belief that one day, this will be the way you breathe, too.
Start Messy, Start Small
It truly is as simple as this: just start.
Start with what you can. Start with what you have. Don’t overthink. There is no step that’s too small or insignificant. Any step forward, no matter how awkward it might be, is progress.
Progress Lives in the Tiny Things
Your first step may feel insignificantly small, but what matters much more than the size of steps you take, or the speed by which you move, is the act of building momentum. Then, you are creating a habit. And once a habit becomes your natural environment, your way of living, you have changed your identity. There is no more resistance to using and sharing your gifts and talents.
You have to start small. It has to be uncomfortable. There is no way around it. A shift into something new like that can’t come without discomfort. You are literally stretching the borders of your reality.
You’re Building From Scratch—and That Takes Courage
Some believe more in themselves because they were taught so during their childhood. Others have to teach themselves how to do that. Take pride in being the one who has to learn by themself. There is tremendous strength and humility hidden behind this path.
Overwhelm the Fear
Don’t allow the fear from creating to overwhelm you anymore. From now on, commit that instead, you’ll overwhelm the fear itself – by showing up consistently and choosing to create. And with every new resolution to create, you’ll prove to yourself a little bit more how you can push past the noise in your head, and remind yourself of your innate right to use your voice and express what needs to be released.
Becoming Happens Daily
There is no shortcut to it. A new identity gets built day by day, with small things.
So, just start.
It will always feel scary.
Today. Tomorrow. Or in 10 years.
